Why Some Women Lack That Desire to Have Sex

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The Egyptians painted pots about it, the Yogis write books about and the Jews have made religious laws about it.

They all believe that one of the strongest ingredients to a healthy union is sex.

One of the greatest joys in life is that you get to have sex.

Time and again women-centric fashion and life style magazines keep reiterating how women want as just as much sex as men do;how they are just as promiscuous as men and how women are just as psyched about getting some as men.

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Truth is, in the real world, that hardly ever plays out to be the case. And I know I speak for most men reading this.

 Just so you know women are the most horny creatures but their is a different kind of horninessif there’s such a word,men are horny all the time.

The uncontrollable kind of way. My sympathies are with you if your woman is not feeling anything down there.

There is a myriad of absolutely legit reasons as to why this happens.

It has nothing to do with your love dying, so before you give up on her and start looking outside for some physical solace, stay with me.

Is it common for someone to hate sex or just lose their sexual desire?

To many adolescents sex is everything in a relationship a fact that Juliet Akech (Tayieko), a Psychologist and Programe Specialist at FAO conquers with.

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She says that it is common for some individuals to miss the desire for sex.

“It is classified under Sexual disorder,specifically under disorders. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorders(HSDD). The same way others are constantly horny ,its the same way others  may lack the desire completely.”

HSDD is the absence of sexual fantasies and thoughts,and or desire for or receptivity to, sexual activity or difficulties in her relationship.

Its estimated that 1/10 women have HSDD, which makes it the most common sexual dysfunction in females.

 All of us-yes, were born with a sex drive. We were created to want to make love and to experience intimacy that way. Unfortunately, that often gets short circuited, and many women “turn off”.

Its important to figure out why. Here are some of the common reasons.

Sexual abuse in the Past

Ruth(not her real name) says she was raped in primary school and every time she had sex those memories haunted her.

“I was raped in primary school, every time I have sex those memories come back, its mostly hard for me to think about sex and also get aroused”.

She had a boyfriend but suddenly the sex started dying and her boyfriend got concerned and thought maybe she was cheating until one day he confronted her and she had to tell him what was going on her with her.

“I had to tell him everything cause sometimes I could get dry when we are are at it”. She adds. 

FGM victim

Female genital mutilation (FGM) includes any procedure that removes part of the female external genitalia, such as the clitoris,or inflicts any other injury on the genitals for non medical reasons.This illicit practice as a matter of course is practised in most countries in Central Africa,Kenya being one of them.

Young girls around the age of puberty,are compelled to undergo FGM family members and by other authority figures who commonly cite reasons of tradition.

FGM victims are affected physically,psychologically,mentally and emotionally.

“If they’ve cut your body to a point where its scarred and someone is trying to penetrate, say your vagina , and you’ve got all these scar tissues, the scar tissues tend to itch and even hurt sometimes”. Halima an FGM survivor says.

Most women with that sort of abuse suffer from post traumatic stress disorder depression.

Pregnancy,Giving birth, Breastfeeding.

Loss of interest in sex is common, after giving birth and while breastfeeding.

This is caused by changes to hormone levels, by also issues with body image in pregnant women, exhaustion and changed priorities,such as focusing on looking after a baby.

Young children need constant watching,which is extremely taxing on her mental and emotional as well as physical reserves. If the children have grown up and she’s still not interested in sex, it may be due to other reasons mentioned here.

Interpersonal relationship issues

One of the first things to consider is whether you’re happy in your current relationship. For many women, emotional closeness is an essential prelude to sexual intimacy. So problems in your relationship can be a major factor in low sex drive.

Decreased interest in sex is often a result of on going issues such as lack of connection with your partner,unresolved conflicts or fights,poor communication of sexual needs and preferences and trust issues. You and your partner are advised to go for counselling

Ageing or Menopause

A reduced sex drive is not an inevitable part of ageing, but its something many women experience as they get older and enter menopause.

There can be many reasons for this,including lower levels of sex hormones(oestrogen and testosterone) and various age-related  problems including mobility problems.

Is there cure for asexual problems? Treatment depends on the cause.

It may include treating a health problem, learning how  to talk openly with your partner. Its important to seek counselling, the more you tell your doctor the more he or she will be able to help you.

Men love your women and don’t do anything she wouldn’t be comfortable with,like forcing her into sex.

When she’s angered or stressed be there for her and don’t expect it to turn into sex unless she wants to. If she judges herself so much complement her remind her she’s very beautiful this is to boost her self esteem.

If she doesn’t want to have sex with you sometimes its because she’s punishing you.

Ask yourself what did you not do right? Ask her for forgiveness or bring her flowers, surprise her with something worth being forgiven . And if any of these don’t work just know whatever you did is irredeemable.