I have been in a relationship for the last three years.
My girlfriend and I had planned to start a family once we both feel we are ready.
But as we began the year, she informed me she was expecting our child. This was a shocker for me as I thought we had agreed not to have a baby until we both felt ready.
I feel betrayed by my girlfriend and think that this is a way of cornering me to settle down with her. I don’t want to look like I’m abandoning her in her hour of need, but I feel cheated at the same time. What should I do?
What you might be going through is shock. This is something that you were not prepared for and it is understandable.
But it would be unfair to blame your girlfriend for the pregnancy because it takes two to tango. You too, was involved.
What would make you think that she is not also shocked? Remember she will be the one to carry the pregnancy for nine months, nurse the baby and use emotional energy to bring up the baby. It might also not be easy on her as you think.
You are involved too The moment two people consent to have sex, then there’s a possibility of the woman getting pregnant, even with the best family planning methods in place.
The moment that happens, both need to take responsibility for the consequences. You cannot accuse your partner of betraying you without taking responsibility yourself.
You cannot have your cake and eat it. You may not have been ready for a child, but since it has happened, why not accept and adjust to it. Three years is a long time to have known someone enough to know whether or not you want to start a family with them.
Now that this has happened, and if you liked the person, why not consider doing the needful. It is only by talking through the issue that you may be able to establish the truth and get to know what each of you is feeling about all this.
You need to approach it carefully, not accusing her of trapping you. Remember she’s human and may also be going through shame and wondering what next.
Accept and move on On your side you may feel that there’s a breach of trust, but on her side, she may feel rejection.
Thus, it will be important for you to have a candid conversation with her. She may also be hurt with the fact that you would think of her this way.
If need be, see a therapist to help you walk through this. This will help you both accept what has happened and heal you and your relationship.
Should you not be able to move on, then give the baby an opportunity to live even as you take responsibility to co-parent the child.
The writers are marriage and relationship coaches