Demystifying Narrative: Tom Boys are not Lesbians

  I recently bought a book from one of the many Nairobi side road book stalls for fifty shillings.

I don’t remember why I bought the book but I felt didn’t have what to do with the fifty shillings.

So that day, as I was passing-by Tuskys Supermarket along Accra road, just besides the entrance of the supermarket there’s this man with his many books, from fiction novels, sci-fi and crime and a couple of magazines.

With all this variety what would captivate me is tat all the books went for Ksh50 shillings.

I scout through a few books then finally my attention is caught by this particular book.

Orange on the front cover, greenish yellow on the back with a picture of two girls holding each other, one is blond and in white Addidas shoes and black short skirt while the other one has dark long hair and is in grey sweatpants and also in white Addidas.

The title read BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM. I ran my fingers through the pages “This is readable”I tell myself.

I give the book seller an old, kinda rusty fifty shilling note I was given back as bus fare change by the matatu tout.

I put the book in my bag then walk my way to the bus station.

Kenyan buses are like moving clubs very noisy, one can’t get any book read.

After eating my Ugali with milk I grab the book from my bag. As I read through my cheap novel, I got fascinated so much by this particular character,Jess.Jess is a sixteen year old Indian girl who lives with her parents and sister in Manchester City.Her sister Pinky is a shopper from hell,she loves shopping now that her wedding is coming up.

Jess doesn’t seem enthusiastic about taking her sister shopping.She wears Addidas sweats and tops,she’s sporty and has three boy buddies.She always plays football in the park with them.

 Her mother expects her to be a girly girl like her sister Pinky.She constantly prays that her daughter would one day settle down,study law and learn how to cook the perfect chapatti.

She considers football for boys and her daughter running around with men in bare legs is bringing shame on her family.Jess is a ‘Tomboy’.

What is a tomboy?a girl who enjoys rough, noisy activities traditionally associated with boys.

A female whose behaviour is free from the restriction of unwritten societal gender rules.A girl who behaves in a manner usually considered boyish.Jess enjoys being sweaty and rough and the boy buddies she has she considers them nothing more aside friends.Reading through the book as my curiosity grew I learn that Jess’s life is no different from mine.

I spent my childhood in a male-dominant environment. I loved playing with boys considering I had brothers and I was the only girl in the house. I was nearly fearless as a child.

Hanging out with the boys and playing with them gave me a sense of security and power. Even now I enjoy being with guys more than stereotypical girly girls. As long as I can remember my friends have been males.

This has influenced some of my life decisions in so many ways. My masculine upbringing caused me to become labelled ‘Tomboy’ which was perfectly fine with me.

We live in a world that runs off the idea of gender reconstructions. Every aspect of our lives is affected in some way by the roles society believes that a certain sex should behave. There’s nothing wrong with Jess she’s fine but her mother doesn’t think so.

She wants her daughter to fit the societal description of what a girl should be. Jess is herself and she’s happy, most importantly very comfortable with who she is.Free.

Not being a sorority girl shouldn’t make one an outcast. Tomboys are just girls like the rest, being a tomboy doesn’t mean that we want to be men in any way. We like boy clothes because they’re free and very comfortable, we hang out with boys because they’re less drama and more fun.

There’s a misconception that tomboys end up being lesbians. This is actually quite false. Only a very tiny percentage of tomboys. Never presume that any tomboy you meet is gay, you have no idea unless she tells you or you witness it.

For instance, In high school I got labelled lesbian because I was not feminine enough, my walking and talking mostly got me alienated by other girls because according to them and the school I was a disgrace for not ‘acting’ as girly as a girl should.

In the book Jess is assumed by people around her that she’s a lesbian with her best friend. Then later they discover she’s as interested in boys as any other girl would.

Jess’s community and mother is no different from how the Kenyan people perceive tomboys. It’s hard being a tomboy in this country, our society doesn’t embrace us but see us and treat us like we are less of a woman. It sucks being asked all the time are you girl or a boy.

A male guard from one of the tall buildings along Moi Avenue in town pressed my chest to confirm if I was a girl or a boy. It almost became a scene. These are just some of the few stereotypes tomboys go through in this country and everywhere.

Being masculine or feminine is not something that you learn to be or bend rules to be like one can in a lifestyle and one can simply grow into it.There are many reasons as to why a girl would grow up to adopt ‘tomboyish’ identity.

1. Family influence, growing up I spent more time with my brothers and male cousins. My mother dressed me in the same clothes as my brothers, t shirts,jeans,Reebok shoes and short hair. Beimg the only girl with several male brothers contributed highly in me turning out to be a tomboy.My family was more active and boy focused.Being surrounded by boys,the only way I coped was by emulating my brothers activities.I took up their activities as my own. I was more aggressive,athletic and rugged.

• Safety, The tomboy identity is one that protects girls from the negative aspects of what it means to be female in our society. Some girls grew up witnessing abuse in one from or the other from men to women.

 “When I was little, I constantly witnessed my father physically assaulting my mother, to make it worse the community I grew up in girls got sexually assaulted in large numbers, there was too much fear.

This made me develop hatred and distrust towards men.” Narrates Jenny. Ironically she embraced and dress like the very men whom she’s repulsed by as a means of defence.She discard her femininity in a bid not to be seen vulnerable.“If I act tough and dress like a guy no man will see me as someone to beat or rape”. Jenny adds.

Tomboys don’t like to be seen as weak instead they talk about how tough they are and they become defensive when they see anyone is out to dig the weakness out of them. They’re not prone to talking their feelings either.

• No reason, maybe its just who they are. Jess is herself, she is energetic, physically active and she’s got the ‘I don’t care attitude’ as she’s always in sweatpants and t shirts, messy hair sometimes. But because she doesn’t fit in the narrow confines of how society defines femininity she’s quickly labelled a tomboy.

Tomboys, ultimately are people trying to adapt to the world around them. Trying to put forward the best version of themselves to the world. Jess got a lot of pressure from her mother and family members on how to behave in a socially acceptable way as a woman.Whenever she tried doing stereotypically male things like playing football do, she got a lot of push back like“Be a girl, don’t do that”.

Being a tomboy is not a bad thing,I’m a tomboy and a proud one. The society ought to find away of making girl children comfortable in who they are.